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As a writer by trade, I automatically put in lots of information, truth well told being more powerful than the cleverest lies. They who have been around the singles scene for a while, have picked up, put back together and seen off too many rebound men. Mouth faster than brain, I respond, "If your husband and father would have let you." The meal peters out and she goes for the close. The emails criss-cross and the rejections mount up, along with some acceptances. She is chubby, chuckly, sweet smiling and acutely intelligent.
It takes time but it works and soon I am on the phone with four prospective dates. She comes in a man's hands, at 53 years of age, for the first time in her life. Holly has a house for me to live in, work for me in her business, a big divorce settlement imminent. At least we will have that." It sounded good but rationalise as we will, there is nothing objective about love.
Second virginity The emails I send are always personalised, reflecting each woman's profile and telling her how I might match her lifestyle and standards - only if I first believe I would. So she is amazed that I wait for her, encourage her, delight in her pleasure while savouring mine. Much to my surprise I am handsome for one woman, sexually appealing and satisfying to another. She had deluded us with the classic "If we only have a few good nights, what have we got to lose?
I will see that look several times again, from different women. You are very handsome man." She is straight-faced, guile free. It is decades since I last fielded a compliment from a love interest. We are both close to tears as she drives away, fingers waving. Whether I drown or stay afloat there is no turning back on the current. She must take the saddle and do the work or nothing will happen. In Holly's arms, in her bed, I peer into the future with awe.
A healing hug Now German lady has advertised for a friend. Me about the irresponsibility and cruelty I have left. She stops in mid-bite, frozen into a stare of disbelief. We clasp hands, kiss cheeks and plan another date which ends in the sweetest, most healing of cuddles. With that cuddle, I have rounded a gentle bend in the river of senior singles. Holly believes, because her experience had proved it, that there is only one way for her to orgasm with a man. The frayed old rope of my marriage has disintegrated, nothing left to repair.
After two decades of being called an ugly effin fat frog my heart catches up with my head and my marriage ends. Emails bounce back and forth, my easy way with words giving me an advantage. The first move, although I fail to recognise it at the time, is made by Holly from a country town. Tangles Marlene was still good company whenever she came down from her hills and we were good for each other, sharing complaints, cuddles and laughs. But her partially separated life made it impossible to develop a real relationship.
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Almost 55 with too little time left to live on hope, I turn to the web through a daze of separation shock. Like me, the women want to talk with a kindred spirit to make them comfortable with uncomfortable emotions. "I would love to make a lover of you, Marlene but I really can't see how. Not while you're living it two ways," I reasoned, thinking it sealed the friendship and took the pressure off her.